Sugar Baby Âœ”ϸ twentieth: yours*

A devastatingly beautiful song.

I made my way to the police station that afternoon. I stood in front of the main entrance and called Grayson, anticipation swirling in my stomach. He picked up the phone after a few rings.

My heart fluttered in anticipation, almost stopping when he spoke, “Harber?”

I stuttered. My stomach clenched uncomfortably. Lead filling my insides. I felt like him calling me by anything except my name was a stinging slap to my face.

“Gray,” I began breathlessly, “where are you?”

“What’s up?” he asked in a terrifying monotone.

“I think I have a major lead,” I said, lowering my voice. “I’ll tell you when we meet.”

He was quiet for a while. “I’m out right now. Maybe you should talk to Harold.”

My heart seized. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just a little busy. I’ll see you later.”

He hung up the phone. I stared at the screen. Grayson had never called me by anything except my real name. The excitement I had felt mere seconds ago was dissolving. Fading into a visage.

Almost in a trance, I stepped inside and met Harold. I told him about the truckload of money I had discovered in Rosalie’s godown. Money that I expected was going to be siphoned off soon.

He sighed, “It makes sense.” I was barely listening as he continued, “One of our sources found out that among the money that was cashed for the charity, they only took forty per cent. Which is a lot. They returned the rest to Reznick. They have some arrangement.” He shook his head. “Tender Hearts is happy to keep their mouth shut as long as they keep getting their forty.”

I nodded and made some general remarks, my mind still fixed on Grayson and his sudden strange behaviour. I wondered if it was something I had done.

I remained with Rosalie the next couple of nights. Aching for Gray’s touch. Deliciously dark thoughts of him tormented me. 

He was ghosting me and it was terrifying. He didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I missed him so damn much that I felt like a chunk of my heart was missing. A gaping hole where I kept him.

The third day, I gave in to the craving and decided to go visit him that night.

I knew his address and expected it would be easy to find where a police officer lived. He lived in the Eastern part of the city, a quaint upper-class colony where I stood out jarringly. I reached his home, a white, posh-looking building that made me wonder if he earned more than I knew he did. 

My heart raced with irrational fear as I knocked on the door softly. After a few moments, I heard a flurry of movement and the door opened an inch.

“Xavier?” He opened the door all the way as my heart did a double-take at the sight of him. He had a half-finished cigarette held between his fingers. The dark orange embers a striking contrast to his sinfully roseate lips. 

“Hey,” I spoke breathlessly.

“What…what are you doing here?” he asked with what I expected was polite curiosity. His eyes seemed to darken with longing for a mere second before he suppressed it.

I gazed at him, answering in a small voice, “Just wanted to see you.” I took a deep breath. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me ever since-“

Our eyes met and scintillating pleasure travelled up my spine. I knew both of us were thinking about the same thing. When he had claimed me. Made love to me like no one ever had. When I had been ravished by the revelation that I was desperately in love with him.

He sighed softly, raking a hand through his hair. “Come in.”

His apartment was much bigger than mine. A long hallway led to the living room and kitchen. There was a staircase to my right which I assumed led to the bedroom above and another room on my left; its door shut. He led me into the living room and sat on the couch, gazing up at me. I took a seat beside him, a few inches away.

“So, what headway were you telling me about?” He took a drag and blew the smoke before turning to me. I could smell the strong scent of tobacco on his breath.

“I’ll tell you if you could light me one.”

He handed me the cigarette as I held it between my lips. I had never been big on smoking, just occasionally doing it in order to blend in better. I took a drag and was instantly reminded of the bittersweet memories from when I was still a teenager. 

“I found the cash. Rosalie is going to siphon it off soon. I just don’t know where yet.”

He blew out another dark wisp of smoke, raising an eyebrow. “How did you manage that?”

I grinned. “Broke into her warehouse. It was a whole thing.”

He didn’t look amused as I recounted my little adventure to him. After I was done, he put the cigarette out and discarded it in the ashtray. “You seem to get along well with Scarlett.”

I gazed into his unreadable eyes, wondering if he could be jealous. Before I could say anything, he continued, “You could’ve told me this tomorrow. You didn’t need to come down here.”

His voice was uncharacteristically hard. I felt my stomach clenching slightly in nervousness.

“I would,” I said, making my voice breathy, “but I just also really wanted to see you.” 

I could feel my cheeks burning after I spoke. Beside me, he seemed to stiffen a little.

“I’ve been…thinking,” I leaned into him, gently grazing my lips on his neck. Taking in his intoxicating scent. “About you. Us. How amazing it was…”

I felt like his breathing stilled as I trailed my lips along his neck to the spot behind his ears and kissed him. He didn’t react. I decided I needed to change my coy tactics.

I climbed onto him, pulling him close to me and kissing him. My tongue coaxing his mouth to grant entry. My heart revelled in pleasure as finally, mercifully, his mouth opened against mine. I knew it had barely been three days but I had missed him like crazy. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him until I was touching him again. It was scary.

“I missed you,” I whispered. “Don’t do that to me.”

I trailed kisses to his jaw, nibbling his ear. My hand reached for his shirt and tried to tug it off him, but his hand clasped on mine almost painfully, making me gasp. “Gray-“

“I think you should leave, Xavier.”

I gaped at him, my blood running cold at his words. 

“But…why?” I asked stupidly. He had left me after he was done. Maybe my doubts had been correct. Maybe I had meant nothing. “What’s wrong with me?”

My voice broke. He leaned back to look at me, his hand framing my face tenderly as I leaned into his touch, yearning. Burning with need. His lips parted as he breathed, leaning closer to me before he shook his head. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath as if steeling himself before he whispered, “Nothing. Just leave.”

I opened my mouth to say something but he pushed me away. Roughly. I stumbled off in shock. The cigarette fell out of my hand. The force and suddenness of his push had me tumbling onto the floor as I let out a grunt of pain and landed on my butt.

Before I could respond, his arms were around me, his face close. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

I almost laughed.

The shooting pain from my fall was nothing compared to the dagger impaling my heart.

I got to my feet, brushing myself off. “I’m o-“

Before I could finish, his lips were on mine. He kissed me hungrily. His tongue exploring my mouth with startling desperation. His arms on my waist pulling me flush against him as he moaned into my mouth.

“Shit…what are you doing to me, Easton?” he murmured against my mouth. 

My lips froze for a second before his tongue waded into my mouth again, coaxing it open. I wasn’t used to anyone knowing me so intimately.

I knotted my fingers in his hair, pushing closer to him. I felt like my skin would burn, my heart would shatter from the intense desire rattling my core. I wanted to rip my clothes off. Give everything to him. 

“Fuck me,” I growled softly, nibbling his ear. “Fuck me, Grayson.”

He leaned back, his eyes clouded with lust, his chest heaving. He grabbed my hand in his, pulling me away and upstairs. My stomach clenched in anticipation as he led me into the bedroom.

I gazed at the simple but classy decor. There was a cosy bed; neatly made; on one side. A bedside table and a small lampshade beside it. A massive, floor-length window on the wall to its right. A large wardrobe and a cute bookshelf filled with books. It felt strangely homely. 

I smirked. “You have a nice-“

“Shut up,” he growled softly, practically throwing me on the bed as he climbed on top of me, kissing me till I was breathless. His sudden aggression was turning me on. More than I had ever been my entire life. The way he held me. Close. Like he was afraid I would slip. The way his mouth roved over my skin. Claiming me. Tainting me.

He tugged my t-shirt off, his mouth immediately travelling lower and lower till he unbuttoned my jeans with his teeth. I bit my lip, gazing at him nervously. He gripped the zipper between his teeth, his eyes gazing intensely at me as my stomach dissolved in a warm pool of lust intermingled with trepidation.

He lowered it, removing my pants and leaving me completely naked and yearning. 

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

I bit my lip. I was used to compliments. ‘You’re hot. You’re sexy. You’re handsome. You’re a prize. Pretty boy.’

He always called me beautiful.

No one had ever called me beautiful.

It felt so intimate. Like he could see my tainted soul beneath my broken body. Like he could see my fiery heart under my ripped chest.

I reached for my discarded pants, fishing the bottle out of it. He smirked at me.

I reasoned, “You know I’m a whore and have zero principles.”

He leaned over and kissed me roughly, biting my bottom lip and pulling it. “Then I’ll treat you like one tonight.”

Naked, hot, devastating flames coursed through me.

He stood up, reaching for the bedside drawer as he took out a condom and wore it. I couldn’t keep my gaze away from him. His taut, hard, sexy body. His sweltering eyes. His partly open lips. His arousal craving for me. My mind wandered back to the first time he had made love to me. The feeling of him unravelling inside me.

I bit my lip, I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly so nervous again.

He leaned over me, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His hand gripping the back of it. His fingers found mine, coaxing the bottle out of it as he gently cajoled me. Caressing me.

“You’re mine, Xavier,” he whispered hoarsely before easing into me.

His words sounded tender. Like a prayer. Like an assurance. To himself or to me, I wasn’t sure. Possessive. Tender. Secure.

My world burst in a cacophony of pleasure. I screamed out, my back arching, shutting my eyes against the beautiful pain. I clutched the bed sheets tightly, my chest heaving. It was hard to breathe. Hard to think. All I needed was him.

“Gray…” I whispered softly. He leaned over me and kissed me. I whimpered, squirming.

“I’m right here, baby. Shh…I got you.”

I held him close, not daring to move. I was overwhelmed.

“Did I…hurt you, Xavier?” he asked in a soft voice.

I bit my lower lip, my chest suddenly tight. I didn’t know what he was doing to me. I could feel hot tears prickling the back of my eyeballs. I couldn’t understand. My chest felt like it would break open. My shattered heart would mend just for him.

He leaned over me, meeting my eyes. His brows furrowed as his hand gently caressed my cheek. “Xavier? Are you crying?”

I shut my eyes, glancing away from him. I felt humiliated. Embarrassed by how easily his kindness broke me. He withdrew himself, his mouth gently nuzzling my jaw. My neck. So tender. Like he cared for me. Like he loved me.

Or maybe it was simply because I wanted him to.

“Xavier…I hurt you. Hey…”

“No,” I whispered. My voice was weak, full of emotions. “You didn’t, Gray.”

He was quiet. He lay beside me, pulling me on top of him. I nuzzled his neck, my tears streaming down profusely now.

He had touched me in ways no one ever had. My heart was his. I was drowning.

I was so unused to his tender, gentle care. Stranger to his soft, caressing touches. Alien to the feeling of safety that came with being in his arms. It scared me as much as it liberated me.

“Xavier?”

I love you, Gray. I love you so fucking much.

“Xavier…you’re worrying me.”

His hand stroked my face, my hair. He was so gentle.

‘You’re mine, Xavier.’

I shut my eyes. He caressed me tenderly. Like I was fragile. I whispered softly against his neck, “Why are you so kind to me Gray?”

His hand curled around my waist possessively. He turned me around so we were face to face, lying on our side. “Because you’re fucking amazing, Xavier.” He kissed the tip of my nose. I shut my eyes at the gesture. “You deserve it. And more. The world. Everything.”

I took a deep shuddering breath. He was breaking me. Ripping me apart. And I wanted to be shattered.

I gazed into his green eyes. Like God himself had extracted the hues from the brightest leaves in monsoon. His lips, which would make the petals of a rose wither in envy. His heart, which made me want to rip my own out and hand it to him.

What was the point that my heart would keep beating for myself? He owned it now. Owned every inch of me.

I bit my lip. I wanted to tell him I loved him. But I was terrified. I couldn’t survive if he didn’t say it back to me.

“You were being all sexy and I started fucking crying,” I gave a watery chuckle.

He laughed and kissed my forehead, pulling me close to him so my head was buried in his chest, his chin resting on top of my head. “What do you mean ‘being’? I’m always sexy, Xavier.”

I giggled, breathing in his heavenly scent. Home.

“Mind if I stay?” I asked, trailing a finger down his firm chest. 

He sighed, pulling me securely against him. “Nothing more I’d want.”